Mistakes, mothering and guilt

raising chickens is like raising children. Sometimes you make mistakes. mothers and guilt

Those yellow globes were Big Red's eggs-to-be.

This has been a rough week so far. I killed a chicken that was still producing eggs. We plucked one egg from her guts, then saw the eggs-to-be at left. It was really fascinating.

I butchered Big Red because of her age and what I thought was low production; an unidentified bird has been hatching discolored eggs — I blamed the old dame; and Big Red has had some health issues in the past.

So it was off with her head. Then I saw the evidence in her guts and the next day one of the six remaining birds laid a spotted dirty egg — like I attributed to Dead Red.

The computer router broke this week. I bought a new one mail-order twice the price of a regular store, then waited five days for delivery. Grrrr.

I broke a beautiful pottery bowl ($35 handmade) by dropping a bag of frozen spaghetti sauce on it. Dumb.

This morning I tried to add a jacket to a load of laundry on our Whirlpool Duet mid-cycle, and the machine went berserk. I cried. I felt like I broke or killed everything I touched.

Bob, my “starter husband” of nearly 30 years said,  “The washer is under warranty.” A repair person is coming today.  After an hour on the phone with Leo in the Philippines, the new router works.

Big Red is in the crock pot for dinner. Bob said, “Don’t worry about the bowl.”

My problems are like a ping pong ball compared to the asteroid-size problems faced by the inmates I visit in prison for Toastmasters. They usually provide me a reality check and realign my outlook. Some days, hormones and problems still get me down.

I remember days like this when raising four children — feeling like I was doing and saying the wrong things that would impact them for life. Being a mother is hard. Being a human being is hard. I have to live with my mistakes and guilt, wipe away the tears and keep going.

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2 Comments on “Mistakes, mothering and guilt”

  1. casey Says:

    I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU KILLED BIG RED!!!! Damn it!! I told you it wasn’t her!!!!

    That photo is GROSS first thing in the morning. I would have preferred a photo of the broken bowl. 😛

    You should have a “resetting of the week” ceremony over a bonfire tonight with smores.

  2. raisingable Says:

    I had to cook her for twenty hours to tenderize the really hard muscles>

    She needed a lawyer to keep her off death row.


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