Recognize your patterns — then refrain & relax

 

Pema Chodron Buddhist Nun leads parents in conscious life, conscious parenting, waking up to our patterns so we can be all about parenting. Becoming aware is crucial in parenting and discipline. We tend to discipline how we were raised. Waking up and recognizing our patterns can make a big difference to mothers and fathers and families, and our discipline style for children and teens.

Pema Chodron, Buddhist nun, has incredible insight, wisdom and wit, sprinkled with humanity and humility.

 

One of the greatest challenges in parenting is when children and teens use their expertise about us to “push our buttons.”

Typically, we respond as they expected and feel anxious, mad, guilty, out-of-control, and [add your own emotion here].

Becoming conscious to our patterns is hugely helpful. I call it “name and tame it” in my book. When I woke up to the power struggles I danced with my children, particularly my oldest daughter, I was able to change.

Change takes time and awareness, and baby steps — often one step forward and two steps back. Children will test our resolve, and things might get worse before they get better. So we cannot “try” a new approach. We must “do” it.

Pema Chodron, a Buddhist nun in Canada, offers four words on how to change our patterns in her remarkable recording, “Getting unstuck.”

The advice is simple and can be learned in a minute.

It takes a lifetime to live it:

Recognize

Refrain

Relax

Resolve

When you catch yourself about to yell at a young person, RECOGNIZE it and ask, “Am I in present time?”

REFRAIN from your first impulse.

Take a deep breath and RELAX.

Then figure out a different way to RESOLVE it.

Put these four words where you can see them every day and practice being more aware of managing your emotions around your children. Only when you manage your emotions [at least half the time 🙂 ] can you expect your children to improve in their behavior.

 

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